A LETTER TO FELLOW BROTHERS;LET’S DO OURSELVES SOME FAVORS.

Dear men,

It is not easy being leaders. In fact it is not easy being leaders by default but that is our lot and we have to embrace it as the soldiers that we are. In view of this, there are some favors I believe we have to do ourselves to excel in this God-given role.

1. Let us admit our weakness for beauty: Beauty turns heads especially ours. We must admit it to be able to stand against it if it is used as a weapon. If we don’t admit our weakness, we can do nothing to defend against it. Beauty is not all in all, character is much more important!
2. Let us admit our weakness for sex: We are hard-wired to choose sex over food. Think about it. Denying this is hypocrisy. When we admit our weakness for sex, we won’t put ourselves in situations in which our animalistic parts will take over. We can even control our sexual urges when we admit our weakness and train it.
3. Let us learn patience: THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. We are not patient. We have to learn patience. I personally believe this is one of the root causes of bad relationships and divorces plaguing our society these days. We have to patiently develop ourselves. We have to learn patience in all our ventures – work, choosing a partner, etc. So what do we do when we are waiting, while developing ourselves? We work. Yes, we engage in work. Without doing something while we wait, waiting is super extremely hard.
4. Let us accept our roles as hunters and learn hunting: In the dating field, we are hunters. But most of us are so poor at hunting, it is shameful. We need to take time and patiently learn how to hunt. Some episodes of NatGEO Wild would be helpful. We can learn a lot from the big cats.
5. Let us learn to control ourselves: Especially our desires for sex, women and food. Self-Control and delayed gratification are keys great men master and we must master them too. We have to be more patient than women, Remember the hunter analogy? We have to undertake exercises that will strengthen our patience muscle.
6. Let us learn to create boundaries: We are men not door mats. We must create boundaries and fiercely protect it. The lions can once again teach us how to do it. A lack of boundaries invite a lack of respect. Can we tolerate disrespect?
7. Let us learn to not tolerate disrespect while protecting women: A man who tolerates disrespect is probably still a boy. And we are not to compete with women but to protect and complement them.
8. Let us build our bodies: There is absolutely nothing wrong with body building. Body building is a good thing. It makes us look good and feel more confident.
9. Let us learn to depend on God: To not depend on God (and the Bible) is a mistake. He is our only true source of joy and truth
10. Let us not be weak in character: A weak man in character is a disgrace to manhood. Don’t weak men disgust you? We are soldiers. We are hard. We are strong. That’s who we are!
11. Let us be brave as men: Soldiers are brave. A man who is coward is probably a woman.
12. Let us learn to lead: We are the natural leaders of the world. No matter how much women bluff, we are the leaders. Let’s learn the Art of Leadership.
13. Let us learn faith and hope and love! – We must have faith in what will be. Without faith, we can not create anything significant. Hope is key – we must hope for the best always. Being an optimist is always better than being a pessimist. And finally, love. Someone said women were created to love and be loved. We must learn how to live at peace with the feminine and this includes loving them properly.
14. Let us learn to have vision and focus on it – What makes us special is our work. What we create while on earth. A man with vision is an unstoppable creature if he focuses on it. Vision gives us purpose and purpose gives us something to live up to. Let us stay true to your vision brothers!

WHAT I WISH I KNEW AT 18 ABOUT HUMILITY.

CAUTION: This is not an entertainment article. This is not a political article. So if you are looking for anything entertaining like gossip, sports, etc please STOP READING. However, if you are willing to learn something to dramatically improve your life,  please READ ON!

Humility is defined according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as:

The freedom from pride or arrogance; the quality or state of being humble.

Then “humble” is defined as :1. Not proud or haughty; not arrogant or assertive 2. Reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission 3.ranking low in a hierarchy or scale :  insignificant, unpretentious 3b :  not costly or luxurious.

The Merriam-Webster Learner’s dictionary further defines humility as: Not thinking you are better than others.

So, in essence, these are the definitions of humility. We will discuss the various definitions in the article but first let’s start with why humility is important and let us keep in mind these definitions throughout this journey.

There are tons of reasons I wish the 18year old me knew about humility but it is not too late.

First and foremost, humility bring grace upon one’s life. Grace refers to the easy of doing something. With Grace, the difficult becomes easy. One thing I have learnt as a medical student is that A LOT OF THINGS IN LIFE ARE UNNECESSARY. In med school, there is so much to learn within a very short time frame. Without an attitude of deference, you won’t survive in the school. The teachers bring what’s important to the surface and all unnecessary stuff are avoided. I believe the same is true for life. Also being humble means you don’t discriminate so you get to enjoy help from everybody. How can you discriminate when you perceive yourself as the lowest ranking person?

Next, when you are humble, your learning curve grows really fast over a short period of time. Consider children, so humble! Always ready to learn and be corrected. They learn so much in very little time because they know they do not know. They are so obedient. They know they are the least in the house and so they ask questions. They ask questions about things they do not know. They are easily corrected so they learn fast. Robert Greene said it in his quote: ” All learning requires some form of humility”. If life is a journey of learning then life is a journey of humility!

Humility results in promotion. Just as pride comes before a fall, so does humility come before a promotion. Let me explain, when you think you know you are proud. When you are proud, you can not learn ; for it is impossible to teach the man who thinks he knows. True humility brings about exaltation as the Bible says in James 4:10 – Humble yourself before the Lord and He will exalt you.

Being humble during childhood is not impressive. It is just a survival mechanism. However, being humble as an adult is too impressive for words. And a humble old woman (especially to her husband) is priceless. It takes effort for adults to be humble particularly because they commonly think they know it all. Women also have a hard time being humble because of their beauty

A humble woman is priceless particularly in marriage. It takes effort for women to be humble because of their beauty. In marriage, women can sometimes not be told what to do because they think they are at par with their husband (the Vashti story). So a woman who can be told what to do especially when she is beautiful is endearing to her husband (Esther’s story).

One major reason beautiful women are not humble is that the people they are supposed to be humble to are spellbound by their beauty. The people who are supposed to look beyond their physical body and look at their character are intimidated by a woman’s beauty so a perversion occurs. A perversion in which men humble themselves to beautiful women. You can ask any honest beautiful woman if I’m lying or not.

There are five main factors that make people proud:

1. Age                                                                                                                                                      2. Beauty                                                                                                                                                3. Wealth                                                                                                                                                 4.Knowledge                                                                                                                                               5. Ignorance

Also humility is knowing your place. It is not taking the lowest position when you are to supposed to take the highest person. This means a King must know that he is a king and behave as such. A man must know that he is a man and behave as such (provide leadership). A child must also know his or her place. A humble person exercises his authority as should be and tolerates no disrespect!

Humility takes away shame. A humble person knows not what shame is. Have you ever seen a preschool child who is ashamed? If you see one, that child might need psychiatric evaluation!

A humble person does not argue with his superiors as though they are colleagues. He finds a way to air his views without contention.

A humble person is loyal. Kids are superloyal!

A humble person loves teachers. They make learning easy!

A humble person is obedient to his superiors.

A humble person takes advice, analyzes it and acts based on the good advice.

A humble person learns from experience.

A humble person is confident because he accepts that he is made in the image of God

A humble person is ambitious yet cautious.

A humble person does not talk excessively.

A humble person does not fear failure. Have you ever seen kids who are afraid to try? Of course not!

A humble person can learn anything! What can’t children learn? Think about it.

A humble person does not try to play the role of judges. Do you see kids judging or discriminating?

There is a lot to learn in life to be successful. A humble person learns. He learns about everything. He is a lifelong learner.

Humility is not only an attitude. It is an action word. Your actions and inactions prove your humility.

If you have kids in your house you can do yourself a huge favor by learning humility from them.

I wish I knew these about humility at 18, but it is not too late for me.

 

FAILURE IS OVERRATED

We have been setup for failure. Society has set a trap and we are falling right into it. It’s been drummed into our subconscious that failure is bad and perfection is the way to go but that is a lie! That mindset is exactly the reason why people fail in life.

Failure most often means not getting a desired outcome. So in any venture, if you don’t get what you expected from it you can say it failed. Here’s the problem with the mindset above. The problem is the perspective from which you see failure.

If you see failure as a bad thing, a thing to be avoided, then success can not be yours but if you see failure as a teacher. A guide. Then sky will  be your limit. In truth, failure is the cornerstone of success.You need to fail to learn! (sometimes multiple times -if you are not learning- to learn what to do and what not to do)

Truly successful people build on failure to succeed. They understand that failure is a teacher; a necessary teacher in life. Instead of thinking that the one-time failure meant they are not good enough for the venture, they analyze. They find lessons from the experience and arm themselves for the next trial. This popular quote by Thomas Edison says it all : ” I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”

How you view failure may hold the key to your success. If you fail( which you will one day), remember you are still good enough. Never think you are not capable. Go back to the drawing board, extract the lessons from the experience and start again. I end with this quote by Henry Ford – ” Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time, more intelligently”.

STOP SETTING RESULTS AS GOALS, SET BEHAVIOURS INSTEAD!

Have you ever set goals? Have ever been asked the question – “So What are your goals?” ? When you set goals, do you ever achieve them? – If so, how often?

Well I’m here to tell you that the concept of setting goals is a broken idea! To achieve anything in life, conventional wisdom tells us to set goals and work hard at it but from experience this rarely works. Why so?

Well, first and foremost there are 2 factors that must come together to help you achieve anything in life. There are the “uncontrollables” and the “controllables”. The Uncontrollables are the things you can do absolutely nothing about, for e.g. the weather and the Controllables are things you can do something about, for e.g. your attitude.

So unless these two merge synergestically, nothing is ever achieved. Lets say you’re a student and you decide you want to pass a test. You set “a goal” – I want to pass calculus. That, in reality, is a wish ( which can double up as a goal). However the fact this student wants to pass doesn’t me he/she will pass because the student does not know the expected answers to questions that will come in the test.

So what should the student(anybody) do instead: ( Here are some practical ways to increase our chances of getting our desires)

1. Call your goals what they really are “hopes”
2. Stop setting “results” as goals. Rather set “behaviors” as goals
3. Focus on the process not the end product
4. Have Faith
5. We will all fail someday, take heart and try again.

Next is Failure is Overrated.

NB: Please note this piece is a product of my research, thought and experience.

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